THE NEEDS OF BEREAVED CHILDREN
Children will have lots of thoughts about death even if they have not experienced a loss or bereavement. This is part of their natural curiosity about life – like thoughts about their body, birth or sex.
Adults can find it difficult to talk about death as they may be bereaved themselves, may be afraid of seeing their child distressed or may be worried about their own death but it can be even harder for a child not to have the death of a loved one explained to them. Because adults can find it difficult, we must not assume that children don’t want to talk about it. It is better for a child to mourn in the company of their family than mourn alone. In fact, being ready and willing to listen to a child can be the most useful way to help.
It can be very difficult to tell a child that somebody has died. As adults we want to protect them from painful feelings, BUT they do need to be told about the death in a way that they can understand. They can then begin to make sense of what has happened and know they have someone to turn to that they can trust. Children are very quick to pick up when they are not being told the truth and their imagination can be much more frightening than the reality.
Parents need to know that children jump in and out of their grief in a way that can be upsetting and even shocking to grieving adults.
Children will need to think about their loss at different stages of their life as they grow and develop. The age of the child will affect the way in which the thoughts and feelings are expressed and influence the type of response needed from the adult.
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